Get to the Choppa

11/17/2010


I suddenly appeared at a carnival, but my internal narrator informed me it was Disneyland. I noticed attractions and rides scattered about and a crowd that was gathered in the middle of the street. I pushed my way through the mob only to discover a man giving a product demonstration. He announced, “I will need a volunteer” and he chose me, despite not raising my hand. The product was a new type of adhesive that could mend any material and seemed to have the consistency and texture as wood…in a liquid form! He asked me to take off my clothes which felt quite awkward with all these people staring at me. While nude, I was asked to use the adhesive to fix a broken reptile aquarium tree made of driftwood. I suddenly felt this icy wind upon me, and I suddenly warped into this large warehouse full of various hardware. I noticed I was still unclothed. An employee told me, “as a token of our thanks, we want you to have this”. He handed me various types of glue and drill bits as my ‘gifts’. I then sprinted outside and found the product demonstration and crowd present…along with a pile of my clothes. I quickly got dressed and noticed that there were bonfires and tailgate parties all over the park. I wandered through the park and got in line for one of the rides. Once I made it up the stairs, I discovered a giant platform and a helicopter present! I jumped in and suddenly knew how to fly. A few people sat down in the back and we took off. In the distance, I saw a helipad, landed on it , and got out with the rest of the people. The next person in line then jumped in the cockpit and along with several others in the back to return the helicopter to the previous launch area. I then awoke.

Nothing Important Happened

10/15/10

I encountered this odd looking man standing in front of a car, mending the doors and panels with black duct tape. He seemed to be taping over the same area over and over again. I turned around only to be facing what seemed like Yale or Harvard (or equivalent grandiose university). I took a stroll through the dormitories, which appeared to be Japanese style dojos with bamboo separators. I noticed the separators were open on one side, so I ventured in. Before me was this man sleeping on his back. As I approached him, he grabbed me and tried to squeeze my neck. I fought back then he morphed into a female and we had sex. It was very odd sex, as if performed involuntarily. I warped to a giant mega mall, and from a glass exit door, I could see it was raining meteorites and fireballs from the sky. I stepped outside to get a better look and peered straight up. The grey clouds parted and before me was a giant naked women. Telepathically, she told me, “I am God”. I began to fly towards this so-called deity and landed on her right breast. I began to rub her giant nipple but awoke abruptly.

Warp Salad

9/30/2010

I was in bed with a woman that appeared to be of Hispanic heritage. After we finished, I drove a motorcycle with her sitting behind me. The bike had two clutches – one on each handle bar. I felt as if something else was controlling my riding habits, some sort of involuntary auto-pilot. I suddenly warped to an old stadium converted into a giant outdoor aquarium. Someone said, “Some poor girl died during a concert after she jumped from the bleachers. Her body was never found.” I instantly warped to this third world country containing poorly constructed wooden shacks and jungle vines growing out from the roofs. This half clothed doll fell out of the sky. I took its pants off to reveal a proper male anatomy. It turned its head, facing me, and began to mumble nonsense. I dropped it suddenly and then awoke.

Vagrants, Revolvers, and Wolf-People Oh My!

9/29/2010

I found myself riding a bike near the local post office from my childhood. I recall the weather was rather gloomy, muted greys. I noticed this dirty rag man was shouting at pedestrians, demanding money from them. My vision suddenly zoomed in on the situation....he had a holstered revolver on his hip. This was alarming so I hastily peddled the opposite direction. He sprinted after me with the same running style as the Looney Tunes Road Runner. I suddenly had a small pocketknife on me and just as I was ready to strike him with it, he suddenly appeared on a bicycle. He hit a rock in the road and stumbled off his bike, performing cartwheels and somersaults. I ran over and grabbed him by the shirt…and simultaneously teleported to my parent’s house. I appeared in their bathroom, still holding him by the shirt. I involuntarily undressed him and laid him out on his back in the doorway. I slammed the door on him multiple times. He made no sounds nor moved, it was as if he was some sort of puppet. I took his revolver into my parent’s room and opened the cylinder; several smaller cylinders popped out at once. While I tried to figure out what it meant, I heard a sound and turned around. He was standing before me, still unclothed, and asked, “Can I please have my revolver back?”. I attempted to disassemble the revolver as if it were comprised of LEGOS, and handed him back this little pile of metallic rubble. Suddenly, a pistol appeared on my mom’s nightstand so I grabbed it and pointed it at him. “Get the fuck out”, I fiercely said. I suddenly teleported to this arid landscape, reminiscent of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. These wolf/human hybrid people appeared before me with strange features; they had mangled paperclips in place of fingernails, and their feet looked exactly like the vampires in The Lost Boys during the underground cavern scene. These wolf people fought in a giant pit; spectators surrounded it on all sides waving giant monetary notes..larger than dollar bills. The fighters inside the pit morphed into giant monsters via a very well done stop motion animation style. Before the fighting could continue, we all warped to this seafood buffet restaurant, consumed a meal, chatted, then I woke up (this all happened to last about 5 seconds in dream-time).

Board Warp

9/17/10

I appeared to be at Chabot College, walking down one of the main wings, and noticed the classrooms were dark and empty. I decided to enter a classroom, but I don’t recall actually walking inside it, I suddenly warped into a chair. There were other students present and an instructor lecturing the class. As the instructor wrote strange symbols on the board, they converged to form a portal, which sucked me in. I was a dog, running through tall, thick green grass in a large front yard near an old cottage. Running never felt so good, it was simply exhilarating. I noticed a small stream nearby with a large tree containing a tire attached to a rope, hanging from a branch. As I ran near the tire, I warped back into my seat in the classroom. I noticed that classmates were giggling while eating chocolate bars. As the instructor began to draw more strange symbols on the board, another portal opened up and sucked me in. I found myself walking along of what seemed like the corridors of the USS Enterprise. The little gremlins from the original Castlevania game were chewing on the panel wiring and making a mess. Despite the corridors appearing to be realistic, the gremlins were made of sprites like in the game. I warped back to the classroom again and the instructor said “It’s test time”. He passed out an incomprehensible sheet of paper that contained the same characters as a Predator’s wrist gauntlet-bomb. I don’t recall filling out any answers and handed it back to the instructor. “You failed”, he said with a scoff. He then morphed into my high school programming teacher and said, “You’re going to be repeating this next semester” then I awoke.